So today is Day 16! Only 14 more days to go!!! I don't think I've done anything for 16 straight days in my life, so cheers to me!
It's still miserable though, don't get me wrong. What's more is I'm starting to become a real food snob. When someone brings in fast food I'm like 'really? is that necessary though? is it? is it though?' for 45 minutes until they are done eating. I don't say it aloud, not yet.
I ended on day 7 so here is the summary of days 8-15: I'm hungrryyyyyyy. And I hate everythinggggg (except for tea time with my banana muffin.)
So I didn't feel it necessary to blog about that. And thanks to the snow that's been falling like it's rents due, I have something new to complain about; driving in the snow!
Open Letter to the Asshole Drivers (you know who you are):
Let me be the first to congratulate you on the awesomness that is your 4x4 truck with its chained up snow tires and hemi and the ability to just glide over the slushy snowy roads as if they are not there; sort of like Beyoncé does to us mere mortals. Unfortunately like the Queen, shitty humans must be dealt with, and so, do you have to deal with shitty front wheel drive Hyundai's, so back the fuck up!
Today is just not your day brah, shoulda left a few minutes early, but you didn't. Probably because you were too busy pleasuring yourself to the thought of your sweet snowmobile like ride. Hope it was good for you, because you can now relive it while you're stuck behind me.
And I'm not sure if you've seen that state of my car, since its covered in salt and snow but let me tell you it has more dents in it than Ray Liotta's face (great actor though, super funny) so I could give a shit if you ram into me. You ,on the other hand, probably spend your nights scrubbing and waxing and courting your precious vehicle (they love it when you rub the dashboard. ow ow) so to mess it up by hitting my pos would be TRAGIC. So again, back up!!
Sincerely,
A very hungry girl who hasn't had carbs in a minute, so seriously, BACK UP!
Right, that was a bit off topic....
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Monday, December 9, 2013
Days 5-7, I know you're dying to find out what happened!
Not really much.... besides me having the will power of a thousand people way more will powery than me!!
MWAHAHAHAH I laugh in the face of delicious foods and sweet treats!!! I used a secret spell to suck the will power out of all the healthy people in a 100 mile radius to get me through thurs-sat, like in Hocus Pocus when the sisters suck the youth out of children.
Not really, I just realized 'no, thank you' is an acceptable response.
When I left you guys Thursday night I was headed to karaoke at TGIFridays. OH MY GOD THE SMELLS!!! wings, fried cheese, chili cheese fries, tilapia (or was is that woman, not sure). And all the delicious fruity drinks for only 3$. It was a lot to handle, but we ordered our water with lemon, sat at a table away from the bar and enjoyed ourselves nonetheless. I stared at a boy across the bar with an orange plaid shirt on (if you're reading this, message me in the comments) I think at one point is head turned into pizza, not sure.
Heather and I sang a marvelous rendition of Teenage Dirtbag to a standing ovation of applause. just kidding, there was no seating at the bar. And then Rachel and Mike did a scintillating (SAT vocab bitches) version of You're The One That I Want from Grease. It was a super fun night! I also dropped 120$ at Yankee Candle, so if you're wondering what you're getting for xmas from me, surprise! it's a candle!
12/6/13 Day 5 - I had a half day at work then slept all day building up my energy for Saturday which was going to be a trying test of my endurance. My Mt. Everest of this diet if you will. (don't, don't give me that. It's a terrible analogy)
12/7/13 Day 6- D-DAY (well actually it was Pearl Harbor. this is turning offensive) Anyway, today was the annual Christmas party for all the agencies in the area that are in my similar line of work. For 4 hours I had to set up and be surrounded by all my favy foods. Imagine the food, it was there, and I couldn't eat it. Plus desert of course. It was a long and trying 4 hours. But I made it through! I also told an 8 year old I was going to a One Direction concert in August and that she should be jealous. It was the hunger talking.
Then just when I though it was over I had to attend a holiday cookie exchange party. Which was really lovely to be honest. The women were all great and I had a nice time, but as one would expect, food and cookies EVERYWHERE! My friend had her adorable baby with her, so I just held onto her for dear life, distracting myself. My friend was probably concerned at one point I might nibble on her, but I didn't. I'm not Jeffery Dahmer, yet.
12/8/13 Day 7 - IN BED ALL DAY! I did absolutely nothing, I had to recover from Saturday. I bought seasons 1&2 of British show Misfits (really good btw) and watched all of season 1. Rachel made delicious chili and banana muffins (WHOLE30 compliant). So this week we can have a little bit more diversity. We shall see. I'm sure I'll still be a miserable twat. cheers!
MWAHAHAHAH I laugh in the face of delicious foods and sweet treats!!! I used a secret spell to suck the will power out of all the healthy people in a 100 mile radius to get me through thurs-sat, like in Hocus Pocus when the sisters suck the youth out of children.
Not really, I just realized 'no, thank you' is an acceptable response.
When I left you guys Thursday night I was headed to karaoke at TGIFridays. OH MY GOD THE SMELLS!!! wings, fried cheese, chili cheese fries, tilapia (or was is that woman, not sure). And all the delicious fruity drinks for only 3$. It was a lot to handle, but we ordered our water with lemon, sat at a table away from the bar and enjoyed ourselves nonetheless. I stared at a boy across the bar with an orange plaid shirt on (if you're reading this, message me in the comments) I think at one point is head turned into pizza, not sure.
Heather and I sang a marvelous rendition of Teenage Dirtbag to a standing ovation of applause. just kidding, there was no seating at the bar. And then Rachel and Mike did a scintillating (SAT vocab bitches) version of You're The One That I Want from Grease. It was a super fun night! I also dropped 120$ at Yankee Candle, so if you're wondering what you're getting for xmas from me, surprise! it's a candle!
12/6/13 Day 5 - I had a half day at work then slept all day building up my energy for Saturday which was going to be a trying test of my endurance. My Mt. Everest of this diet if you will. (don't, don't give me that. It's a terrible analogy)
12/7/13 Day 6- D-DAY (well actually it was Pearl Harbor. this is turning offensive) Anyway, today was the annual Christmas party for all the agencies in the area that are in my similar line of work. For 4 hours I had to set up and be surrounded by all my favy foods. Imagine the food, it was there, and I couldn't eat it. Plus desert of course. It was a long and trying 4 hours. But I made it through! I also told an 8 year old I was going to a One Direction concert in August and that she should be jealous. It was the hunger talking.
Then just when I though it was over I had to attend a holiday cookie exchange party. Which was really lovely to be honest. The women were all great and I had a nice time, but as one would expect, food and cookies EVERYWHERE! My friend had her adorable baby with her, so I just held onto her for dear life, distracting myself. My friend was probably concerned at one point I might nibble on her, but I didn't. I'm not Jeffery Dahmer, yet.
12/8/13 Day 7 - IN BED ALL DAY! I did absolutely nothing, I had to recover from Saturday. I bought seasons 1&2 of British show Misfits (really good btw) and watched all of season 1. Rachel made delicious chili and banana muffins (WHOLE30 compliant). So this week we can have a little bit more diversity. We shall see. I'm sure I'll still be a miserable twat. cheers!
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Did you not get the memo? When I'm on a diet you're on a diet!
12/5/13 Day 4: I guess my lovely :HEAVY SARCASM: co-workers have not yet received the memo I am on the WHOLE30 cleanse and can not eat these items. These glorious delicious items. These cheese filled, ketchup smothered, chocolate encrusted, carbs on carbs on carbs items.
Needless to say I killed them all. Sad day.
No I didn't commit homicide today. It was actually a fairly good day, even with all that stuff every where I turned. I made plans with my friend whose husband hunts deer (poor bambi) for venison stew on Sunday. If a poor central new york deer who was just minding his business, maybe stopping by for a snack and then getting shot in the head isn't organic and free range I don't know what is. (stop what you're doing right now and go watch the clip from My Cousin Vinny about deer hunting cause it's funny as shit-here it is. you're welcome)
Classic. And I even got real obnoxious with it and am buying the appropriate stock. Because you can't just have any old liquid with vegetable flavor in it; no no has to be vegan, no sodium, no gluten, no dairy no GMO, no HMO, no LILO. It's piss from the Gods of skinniness and health. Great.
Well Day 4 is near a close, but my brilliant roommates decided it would be fun to go to karaoke tonight at a TGIFridays. We can't drink. Which is usually the only acceptable reason to do karaoke, being shit faced. But I guess this is a good chance to practice restraint and my drunk impression of myself. No this is vodka with lemon, not water. Im wasted.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Just call me Dory!
It is Day 3 of my Whole30 journey and I have lost all ability to form new memories! it's working...:maniacal voice:
I know what you're asking, "but Nicole what happened to blogs about day 1 and 2??" just kidding you're not asking that, you don't care! But if you were to ask that I would say refer to my first sentence... I forgot.
And I was also lazy. But I will fill you in on the highlights of days 1 and 2:
12/1/13 Day 0 - my roommate Rachel and I decide to ruin our Decembers and go on this Whole30 (here's the website) 'cleanse'. We get all super cutesy and make up a shopping list, and pinterest recipes, and plan out everything and spend too much many at Wegmans. Everything is natural, and organic, and blessed by the Gods of skinniness and health aka Gwenyth Paltrow or 'Your GOOPness'. This is just what we need!!
12/2/13 Day 1 -I start my day off by dropping 4 eggs on the floor and cursing the Gods. But I realize these eggs were not brown, organic, free range, heavenly eggs; no there were left over white eggs from those unsavory chickens. They needed to be dropped.
Then for lunch I realize kale tastes like dirt and get sad. For dinner I begrudgingly sauté vegetables for the first time in my life. I acted as if 'how dare these vegetables ask me to sauté them, who do they think they are?!' class act.
12/3/13 Day 2 - I drown my poor breakfast eggs in coconut oil on the stove. yum. at lunch I made a firm decision to no longer eat kale in its natural form, I am not Little Foot. I'd rather starve. For dinner I sat in my car eating a piece of chicken with my fingers like a true caveman. It felt right y'all. Oh and I also learned cashews are delicious! And I had the most vivid sex dream ever, I was drinking a regular Pepsi with a straw and it was SO GOOD!! omg I woke up sweating.
12/4/13 Day 3 -Now here we are Day 3 and I can't remember shit. So all that stuff I said up there about days 1 and 2 could be totally false. Also there is a ton of pissing on this diet. I peed 5 times since I started writing this thing. But today was actually okay. I did learn that coconut oil solidifies when cold and I'm seriously using WAY too much of it. I also molested my co-workers candy bowl. Full on just stuck my hand all up in that shit, swirled it around, the cold aluminum wrapping against my warm hand. I could just feel the chocolate melting into my fingers...waiting to lick it off....
Woo getting steamy...
Anyway now I'm looking up some recipes for tonight that involve chicken and all the green things!!!
Also for those of you who are not into reading food fantasy porn which is the likely direction of this blog, I plan to Vlog about this experience too. Because I'm a typical narcissistic millennial; my face and voice and opinions NEED TO BE HEARD!!!!!!
Now what was I doing....
I know what you're asking, "but Nicole what happened to blogs about day 1 and 2??" just kidding you're not asking that, you don't care! But if you were to ask that I would say refer to my first sentence... I forgot.
And I was also lazy. But I will fill you in on the highlights of days 1 and 2:
12/1/13 Day 0 - my roommate Rachel and I decide to ruin our Decembers and go on this Whole30 (here's the website) 'cleanse'. We get all super cutesy and make up a shopping list, and pinterest recipes, and plan out everything and spend too much many at Wegmans. Everything is natural, and organic, and blessed by the Gods of skinniness and health aka Gwenyth Paltrow or 'Your GOOPness'. This is just what we need!!
12/2/13 Day 1 -I start my day off by dropping 4 eggs on the floor and cursing the Gods. But I realize these eggs were not brown, organic, free range, heavenly eggs; no there were left over white eggs from those unsavory chickens. They needed to be dropped.
Then for lunch I realize kale tastes like dirt and get sad. For dinner I begrudgingly sauté vegetables for the first time in my life. I acted as if 'how dare these vegetables ask me to sauté them, who do they think they are?!' class act.
12/3/13 Day 2 - I drown my poor breakfast eggs in coconut oil on the stove. yum. at lunch I made a firm decision to no longer eat kale in its natural form, I am not Little Foot. I'd rather starve. For dinner I sat in my car eating a piece of chicken with my fingers like a true caveman. It felt right y'all. Oh and I also learned cashews are delicious! And I had the most vivid sex dream ever, I was drinking a regular Pepsi with a straw and it was SO GOOD!! omg I woke up sweating.
12/4/13 Day 3 -Now here we are Day 3 and I can't remember shit. So all that stuff I said up there about days 1 and 2 could be totally false. Also there is a ton of pissing on this diet. I peed 5 times since I started writing this thing. But today was actually okay. I did learn that coconut oil solidifies when cold and I'm seriously using WAY too much of it. I also molested my co-workers candy bowl. Full on just stuck my hand all up in that shit, swirled it around, the cold aluminum wrapping against my warm hand. I could just feel the chocolate melting into my fingers...waiting to lick it off....
Woo getting steamy...
Anyway now I'm looking up some recipes for tonight that involve chicken and all the green things!!!
Also for those of you who are not into reading food fantasy porn which is the likely direction of this blog, I plan to Vlog about this experience too. Because I'm a typical narcissistic millennial; my face and voice and opinions NEED TO BE HEARD!!!!!!
Now what was I doing....
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