Just call me Dory!

It is Day 3 of my Whole30 journey and I have lost all ability to form new memories! it's working...:maniacal voice:

I know what you're asking, "but Nicole what happened to blogs about day 1 and 2??" just kidding you're not asking that, you don't care! But if you were to ask that I would say refer to my first sentence... I forgot.

And I was also lazy. But I will fill you in on the highlights of days 1 and 2:

12/1/13 Day 0 - my roommate Rachel and I decide to ruin our Decembers and go on this Whole30 (here's the website) 'cleanse'. We get all super cutesy and make up a shopping list, and pinterest recipes, and plan out everything and spend too much many at Wegmans. Everything is natural, and organic, and blessed by the Gods of skinniness and health aka Gwenyth Paltrow or 'Your GOOPness'. This is just what we need!!

12/2/13 Day 1 -I start my day off by dropping 4 eggs on the floor and cursing the Gods. But I realize these eggs were not brown, organic, free range, heavenly eggs; no there were left over white eggs from those unsavory chickens. They needed to be dropped.
Then for lunch I realize kale tastes like dirt and get sad.  For dinner I begrudgingly sauté vegetables for the first time in my life. I acted as if 'how dare these vegetables ask me to sauté them, who do they think they are?!' class act.

12/3/13 Day 2 - I drown my poor breakfast eggs in coconut oil on the stove. yum. at lunch I made a firm decision to no longer eat kale in its natural form, I am not Little Foot. I'd rather starve.  For dinner I sat in my car eating a piece of chicken with my fingers like a true caveman. It felt right y'all. Oh and I also learned cashews are delicious! And I had the most vivid sex dream ever, I was drinking a regular Pepsi with a straw and it was SO GOOD!! omg I woke up sweating.

12/4/13 Day 3 -Now here we are Day 3 and I can't remember shit. So all that stuff I said up there about days 1 and 2 could be totally false. Also there is a ton of pissing on this diet. I peed 5 times since I started writing this thing.  But today was actually okay. I did learn that coconut oil solidifies when cold and I'm seriously using WAY too much of it. I also molested my co-workers candy bowl. Full on just stuck my hand all up in that shit, swirled it around, the cold aluminum wrapping against my warm hand. I could just feel the chocolate melting into my fingers...waiting to lick it off....
Woo getting steamy... 

Anyway now I'm looking up some recipes for tonight that involve chicken and all the green things!!!  

Also for those of you who are not into reading food fantasy porn which is the likely direction of this blog, I plan to Vlog about this experience too.  Because I'm a typical narcissistic millennial; my face and voice and opinions NEED TO BE HEARD!!!!!!

Now what was I doing....